Never lose the child in you!

In these photo series we search for sacral, protected periods of childhood. It’s about the yearning for the great childhood dream that changes our lives at a later date.

Do you sometimes ask yourself what was important to you in your childhood? What has overwhelmed your heart at the time?

It may sound a bit pathetic, but it is true – true dreams eventually settle, because you can not flee forever from yourself. You can study for years, do a PhD, get further education, do successful, well-paid jobs that you enjoy. And yet at some point you hear that deep, soft, gentle voice inside of you: “Is that really you? You are more capable than what you are doing. Why do not you just trust it? “But when it comes to your unadulterated essence – then you’re just it, you have no choice, no matter what it was before. You do not have to prove it to anyone. Even the question „why that exactly“ is totally irrelevant.

In a nutshell: Once upon a time there was a shy, sensitive girl named Paulina. She painted for hours, days, night after night, on the kitchen table – colorful, geometric patterns, fantastic creations spilling out of her imagination. She was not alone – even her twin sister did the same and sat next door, also painting. Paulina wanted to differ as more as possible – shriller, fancier, crazier. The patterns merged into human bodies, the threshold between reality and fiction fused. From time to time the dad appeared, scolding the two girls because his handmade table suffered from their creativity. It was his unlived dream to be an artist himself, that made him pass out, angry. Paulina went on stubbornly anyway. The sister guessed after her, and took her as a example for the “courage to be yourself, trust and dare the impossible”.

Years of challenges of all kinds passed by – illnesses, flight, relocations, upheavals. Years of searching for existential security. Paulina often asked herself the question, especially if she was successful in something – “Is it worth the price? What if you really die soon, and you do not have time to live what you really are. But what are you really? No, you are not your twin sister.” The first step was to emancipate from her, the second was the abandonment of all grueling conditions, then came the risk of becoming entrepreneur. The fashion was always been somehow your thing. But also not really actually, at least not only. The detour through the historic vintage fashion…

And then the heart’s desire exploded – let your childhood rise again, by designing fabrics with your old patterns from over 20 years ago and creating your own haute couture cuts. Your hitherto deeply buried, repressed life dream. Although you have no time, no money, not the right education for it. Or perhaps exactly for that reason. Because, simply it’s you.

But still, the question arises: does a childhood dream, as valuable as it may have been, should your right self-determination? Aren’t exactly the unfulfilled dreams, the unresolved longings, what creates an insatiable zest for life? What is worth living for? We do not have to fulfill all dreams in this life … Because the very idea of putting everything into this life creates an unbelievable pressure! Sometimes it is enough to remember what we once were.

Konzept & Styling: Paulina Tsvetanova

Fotos: Antonio Castello

Models: Jay Singleton & Angelika Plag

Assistent: Daniel Errey